Saturday, August 14, 2010

Republican class notes

Recent activities of the Grand Old Party. Dan Maes, Republican candidate for governor of Colorado, warned that a bike-sharing program in Denver was part of a "very well-disguised" plan that "could threaten our personal freedoms" by placing American cities under United Nations control. Marg Baker, GOP candidate for the Florida House, proposed constructing camps to hold illegal immigrants, "because there are a lot of these people roaming among us." Housing in the camps would be "regular homes like a lot of poor people live in." Ben Quayle, son of former Vice President Dan Quayle and a Republican candidate for the Arizona House, indignantly dismissed reports that he had written for an internet porn site. He then admitted he had written for an internet porn site, telling a local TV station, "this is four years ago . . . this is a smear on me." Sharron Angle, Republican candidate for U.S. Senate in Nevada, revealed that God has called her to run against Harry Reid, that Democrats have violated the First Commandment by enacting health care and other acts of "idolatry," and that she opposes extending unemployment benefits because "we really have spoiled our citizenry . . . they don't want the jobs that are available." Rand Paul, Republican U.S. Senate candidate in Kentucky, denied that he had kidnapped a woman in a college fraternity stunt and tried to force her to smoke pot, but refused to address her accusation that he had blindfolded her and made her bow down in a creek while repeating, "I worship you, Aqua Buddha, I worship you."